Cabi Love

My relationship with cab drivers has traditionally been rocky. I simply can't stand anyone that wakes up in the morning and asks themselves, "I wonder how many people I can knowingly rip off today?" And this is an absolute embellishment, of course. But within, I would say, 80% of the cabies I have stepped into, they have tried to rip me off. These cabies span across California, New York, D.C., Italy, France, London, Thailand and Mexico (the absolute worst). Frankly, I've seen 'em all.

My buddy Jeff used to say that my bad rapport was a direct result of me calling taxi driver's, cabies. He may be correct, but I know for a fact, many people can relate to my backseated hostility.

And then there is Korea. Ahh, the splendid nature of people being well paid, trustworthy, complimentary but sometimes indifferent to politeness.

The country is not poor and capitalism is thriving. Business for taxis? Check. All people here trust their neighbors immediately. Trustworthy taxi divers? Check. All people also constantly comment on your appearance. Rear-view mirroring taxi drivers? Check. And, because of a very long war with their northern neighbors, all people here are slightly edgy when the situation calls for it. Somewhat grumpy taxi drivers? Check.

Taxi's are also relatively cheap here, so I take them often. Many rides happen in silence. Other times they work on their English (these are annoying because I am paying for their English lesson). But sometimes, every few weeks, I will get an overly complimentary driver.

Example: This is a conversation with a middle-aged taxi driver in Busan last weekend. (Notice I did not call him cabi.)

"Hello. You American?"
"Yep."
"Ohh, wow, you are very handsome. Very handsome, yes."
"Ha, thank you."
"You teacher?"
"Yep."
"Oh, wow, very handsome...yes."

This went on for 20 minutes. How can you not enjoy getting into the back of that taxi?

Example 2: Thanksgiving night in Seoul and I'm late meeting friends for dinner because he made a wrong turn. I know this because his GPS keeps chirping at him.

"I am sorry. I made mistake."
"No problem," I say back.
"No, big mistake. No charge," he relents.
"No no, that's OK. It's not a problem."
"OK discount. Big discount," he says nervously.
"Thank you but really, it's no problem," I say.

He was not buying it. He kept insisting I take a discount. Once we stopped at the restaurant I shoveled him the fare and said, "Thank very much. I paid because appreciated your honesty." He said thanks but actually looked sorrowful when receiving the money.

Considering my history with cabies, this event felt miraculous. But that moment did not last long.

That same weekend my wife and I were scolded for talking to loudly and like little kids. We giggled it off, making him more upset. He was grumpy. We all are. But, I must mention that to his credit, he had no intention of ripping us off.

And to be honest, I would take a scolding over a crooked cabi ride any day.



....Get Lost my friends.

Oh Man, I'm Blowing It.

OK, you're right. I am not blogging enough. My lady called me out tonight by saying, "you are going to lose followers if you never blog."

I replied by lying with an excuse attached.

"I don't do it for followers. I do it for myself," I said.

I might as well have been holding a picket sign exclaiming, "Pompous Idiot."

I do actually do this for the people that read it. The majority of you are my family, friends and/or otherwise friends of friends that I will most likely meet at some point or another. With that being said, I like when you guys read it.

So, I have decided to ask you for help instead of make excuses about why I don't blog...

Tell me what you want me to talk about. Ask me anything (somewhat G rated if possible). Comment on this post and I'll answer your question in a short paragraph or two aimed at making you laugh and hopefully be able to attach a picture or two...I promise.

After all, if I just wanted to write about my day to day, I'd buy a journal. This is meant to serve another purpose. What's the purpose? Who knows. Who cares. It's all in good fun, right.

get Lost my friends...AND COMMENT!

Snow Life

This is my first lengthy experience with winter. Actual winter. I'm from a part of Southern California where the winter equates to people driving 25 mph slower when it drizzles and the temperature never, I mean never, get below 40 degrees.

For those of you that were unaware, Korea has an actual winter. We are talking 6 degree temps, snow, layering, your face getting as white as the section of your body below your waste but just above your mid-thigh, snow, a numb face, snow, staying indoors even when the sun is out and even more, snow. All of these things remain pretty foreign to me.

Yet, in this new experience, there are a few things that stick out the most.

1.) I have never been afraid of anything that does not move, until now. Black ice; you are an ominous little creation.

2.) I need to allow an extra 3 minutes for getting ready in the morning because I now wear a big coat, beanie, scarf, gloves and sometimes dual socks. If I don't I am wildly cold on my way to work. The only problem with this is my work commute is literally a 2-minute bike ride and my co-workers look at me weird because I am bundled-up like I just got off the set of "Fargo".

3.) Snow falling between buildings and nestling onto city streets still stands as one of the most beautiful sights I know.

4.) Don't go to tropical climates (Thailand) for your winter vacation when snow and ice await your return. Total bummer. I completely blew it on that one.

...

It's actually not that bad, which is reassuring. I feel like living in any major city in the U.S. is doable now because I know I can handle some intense winter weather.

Then again, I have a feeling that the black ice has yet to strike it's devilish ways upon me.

...Get Lost my friends.

Thailand

All I have to say... you exhaust me. I'm too tired to post anything about my trip 8 days in Thailand. Just know, I will never forget that unique of a place.

Playwright Debut

My dad, Tom Ratto, taught music in Southern California for over 30 years. This means he put on Christmas plays and performances with and anywhere from 200 to 400 kids every year in December. This also means that I attended a K-8 Christmas performances every year of my life until I was 18 or so.

And they were spectacular.

He has since retired from teaching but I joked a while ago about how all of my hours as a rug-rat tailing him into classes, setting up before shows and prepping props for performances thoroughly trained me for my job out here in Korea. But last Friday that joke became a blaring reality.

I too have joined the family business. I put on two Christmas plays with 4 and 5-year-old Korean kids, song and dance movements 'n all.

How the Grinch Stole KDLP by Mark Ratto from Elysabeth on Vimeo.

{This is a video of my 5-year-old's. I actually wrote this play for them and it included "All of My Favorite Things" and "So Long Farewell" from the Sound of Music as well as "Santa Clause is coming to town." The camera ran out of memory card space so it is cut short, but I am very proud of these little tiny people. I mean, come on, they are performing in English!...Oh yeah, and I did not pick out the costumes. I repeat, I did not pick out the costumes.}

In many ways I am my dad. At everyone of those old Christmas plays or other events, parents and friends would often say we look alike. I always shrugged it off like most kids.

Now, on almost a daily basis, Tom Ratto bursts out of me. The the things I say, how I teach, my connection with the kids; everything sounds just like him back in the day. And now look at me, directing school plays. I know we look alike but this is getting wildly similar.

It makes you really think, "maybe this is exactly where I am supposed to be?"

For right now at least.

Get Lost my friends...

NPR Bound

My lady, otherwise known as the lovely Elysabeth Hahm, has landed the gig of all gigs.

She does not start work until 5 p.m. and gets out at 8 p.m. everyday. Not only that, she can comfortably survive out here with the amount they are paying her. What does she do? Radio. She does radio and does it big.

It's funny, when you listen to talk radio you always picture some face behind the voice. It may even be a vague image but you always do. Minutes before Liz hit the waves for the first time my curiosity sparked because I wondered what people would think she looked like when they heard her voice. I was sourly surprised...She sounded too good to be true.

She spoke with a subtle smoothness enhanced with sophisticated sag-ways. She sounded like a veteran capable of always putting a fresh perspective on things. But she also sounded, for a lack of better words, super attractive. I immediately thought, "I'm screwed." I had joked the week leading up to her debut that she was the next big thing in Seoul. I did not realize that she would be the next 'hot' chick in Seoul. I got really nervous when this thought surfaced but quickly dismissed that silly notion when the reality of the situation rapidly came into perspective.

In that moment her voice rang though ears and speakers throughout Korea. This was the biggest English speaking radio station in Seoul and her 30-minute segment played at 7:30 p.m., prime-time.

My emotions quickly turned toward genuine pride. Of all the things she has done in her life this is by far the biggest challenge and with the most at stake. If she failed, she would be jobless. If she succeeded, coming to Korea instantaneously became a hugely profitable decision.

So she did what she does best; smiled, giggled and rode the wave through, grounded head at the ready. And she sounded absolutely incredible.


She has just entered her fourth week on the job and has officially staked her place behind a mic. It's quite impressive to say the least. Prior to this she only had experience in print media and had never really done any type of public speaking. You would not know it when she comes on air.

The station (http://www.tbs.seoul.kr/ENG/) enjoys her tremendously and the show is picking up momentum. I must also mention that I have been a guest caller three times since the start of the show and I, eh-hem, attribute most of the shows success directly to my calls.

With that being said, it's good being Liz right now. Did I mention she doesn't have to use an alarm clock!?!?

Get Lost my friends.....

The Best Concert I Will Ever Go To In My Whole Life For As Long As I Live, Ever.

Last Saturday I went to a concert with Liz, my buddy Dave and whole lot of apprehension. It was free because Liz's work put it on and none of us really thought it was going to be anything more than maybe a banquet style setup with some food and a jazz band or DJ.

Well, it was much more than that my friends. It was a production of excitement blended with moments of fear wrapped in a whirlwind of "what could possibly be next?" questions that fiddled with my emotions so much I ended up enjoying it more than anything else I have done in Korea.

Yeah. I know.

Here goes...


{The First Band was a reggae band. He told us to, "shake ya' booties and feel dah vibreations," in a slightly Jamaican yet almost American slash pirate accent. If you attempt the accent exactly how I described, you most likely nailed it.}



{This is ToucH, a Korean Pop band. A group of seven dudes, 4 of which could pass as very attractive girls, all dressed in tight denim and some array of brown leather coat with fake white fur frills and if you look closely you can see the lead singer in the middle with wings sewed into the side of his pants. I'm not making this up.}
{The calm before the insanely badly choreographed storm.}
{Then boom, wing pants takes flight!...It was really bad. But so bad in fact, I loved every moment of it.}




{Now this was interesting. It was a choir group that consisted of 13 different ambassadors wives. They did a medley of 18 traditional folk songs and arguably the most confusing part of the night happened when the wives from Papa New Guinea and the Phillipines did a traditional dance other wise known as 'The Electric Slide'.}



{This was by far the best 20-minutes of my weekend. A Korean band that covered Queen. The lead singer rocked a mustache, the guitarist wore a wig and aviator sunglasses and they conjured the essence of Queen magically. No joke, this Korean dude hit every single note and sounded exactly like Freddy Mercury. At the end of the first song I gave a standing ovation with a wildly too loud yelp in appreciation but when I looked back at the hundreds of Koreans giving me that, "come on, don't be so American dude," look, I quickly sat back down...These guys have been a band for 13 years. Which means this guy has rocked that stache for 13 years which, looking back, is what most likely prompted my adoration for them.}

There was about 10 acts all together that ranged from the K Pop scene to embarrassing Korean rappers to young girls playing traditional instruments to a very talented American rapper and finally finishing with a fantastic Jazz quartet that ended up accompanying some K Pop star chicks.

We walked out of that concert with 3 hours worth of conversation and we used every last minute of it.

Get Lost my friends....

The pictures were provided by the beautiful Elysabeth Hahm.