First Video

I have never really wanted this blog to be about me teaching English in Korea. The aim was always to give a little humor about whatever I was experiencing as I live, eat, breath--and--teach English in Korea. Well, I can't help writing about these kids. They're awesome.

I made my first video with my new Lumix cam and I am really excited about the quality I get with this thing. Thank you again my lovely family and friends that pitched in for the camera on my birthday two weeks ago.

Untitled from Mark Ratto on Vimeo.

...get Lost my friends.

Cards From Koreans--In English

I'm a kindergarten teacher. And I really like it.

These kids are rad.

...get Lost my friends.

Birthday Camera

My birthday came and went this past Saturday. I'm now 24-years-old but if you tack on the beard years, I can pass for 32. I'm cool with both.

Leading up to my birthday, I did not expect much gift wise. My only loved-one in Korea is my girlfriend Liz and even though she spends her nights on the radio, she has yet land a Laura Schlessinger type of pay check. She told me we were going to a really nice pizza place for dinner and then maybe some drinks after. Anything pizza related makes me giddy and I assumed she would give me a small gift, so I was set. To be honest, I anticipated a $40 hat from the "30's Italian gangsta era" we had seen a week earlier.

Well, what she got me just slightly surpassed my tacky expectations.

I opened a package on Saturday morning that will change my experience here in Seoul. Liz, with the help of my incredible family and friends (thank you guys so much), bought the perfect Digital SLR camera. The Lumix GF1. And trust me, it is a lot more expensive than that stupid hat.

I'm no photographer, but I hate bad pictures. This camera was something I started saving for 4 months ago. And now, I've got it.



The best presents are the one's you use on a daily basis. This present will make my daily basis look awesome. Here are a few.

{Happy B-Day toast.}

{This Korean dude can make pizza straight from my days in Rome.}
{New kicks. 25 bucks...Living close to China has it's perks.}

{Doesn't she have beautiful eyes?}

{As you most likely guessed, I am singing "We are the Champions" at the Karaoke joint.}

I need to thank my family once again. Without them this experience would feel much emptier than it has. If you have not spoken to your family in awhile, I highly suggest a group Skype session. They make the world feel right.

I love you guys.

...get Lost my friends.

Tiny Chairs

Recently, I love sitting on tables. I don't know why.

Maybe it's because I sit in tiny chairs designed for 4-year-old's all day.

Hmm.

...Get Lost my friends.

Dream Plop

Have you ever encountered a brat between, say 5 and 7-years-old? A legitimate brat? Go ahead, take a moment to think about it...Got it, yet? Good. Now picture that little girl with Korean features (black hair, dark eyes, etc.) and try to remember how the sound of her voice made you look at windows and wonder, "If I jump, will I live or just break neck?"

I teach one of those. She terrorizes the last class of my day and out of the 70 or so kids I see daily, her irrevocably bad behavior stands alone.

It's a typical situation. Her younger sister stands at approximately 2-foot-1 and simply dimple giggles her way into everyone's heart, including her parents. So the older sister, let's call her terrorist girl, has resorted to getting attention in other ways.

I'll give you one example of her outlook on life. On Friday of last week, I attempted to show her some kindness. Initially, she resisted but after about five minutes she gave me a side hug and kissed my side, just above my right hip. I felt relieved. "See, all she needed was some love," I thought.

Wrong.

After she fled the scene, I looked down at my shirt, right where she kissed and there was a huge slobber stain with some cookie bits, just for good measure. At that point, I gave in to the notion that my efforts may be wasted on this little girl.

Well, on Tuesday, she (and me) had a rude awakening.

Terrorist girl slept through the class, which was fine with me, but eventually I had to wake her up. I gently lifted her head from the table she slept at and told her it's time to go home. Groggy and confused, she sat up straight in her chair. Meanwhile, I slid the table away to put it back where it belonged. Bad move. In extremely slow motion but too fast for me to react, she fell back to sleep, leaned forward slowly to put her head back on the table that was no longer there and BAM. She dropped straight to the ground, head first.

My heart sank. Both from fear that she actually hurt her neck on impact and/or how bad her tantrum would be once she realized what happened. Well, what happened next was unexpected.

She began to cry and as I knelt beside her in an effort to defuse the reaction, she threw her arms around me and balled in my arms. I patted her back and consoled as well as I could. After a few minutes of sniffling and tears flowing she stopped and looked up at me with a slightly worried look. I then said, "It's OK, you can cry if you want."

"Thanks," she quietly replied and continued a soft cry to recovery.

This moment left me with mixed emotions. This event was completely my fault, so I felt really bad. The sight of her dropping straight to ground was totally America's Funniest Home Video status, so I slightly chuckled. It was also the last thing to happen to me before a 5-day weekend (Chinese New Year), so I felt bummed that I might think about it while on vacation.

But finally, when I thought back on how she looked up to me during her crying session, I realized it wasn't concern that was on her face, it was surprise. She was surprised someone was there for her in an extremely vulnerable moment. She felt loved, and I think that felt weird for her.

So, now I just really sad for her as a person. Little girls need affection and love at that age, no matter what.

Which brings me to my final point. The next time you see that little brat that terrorizes you, forget about the window height, secure all potential falling hazards and give that little girl a hug. Because at the end of the day, that's all she is; a little girl.

Get Lost my friends...

Cabi Love

My relationship with cab drivers has traditionally been rocky. I simply can't stand anyone that wakes up in the morning and asks themselves, "I wonder how many people I can knowingly rip off today?" And this is an absolute embellishment, of course. But within, I would say, 80% of the cabies I have stepped into, they have tried to rip me off. These cabies span across California, New York, D.C., Italy, France, London, Thailand and Mexico (the absolute worst). Frankly, I've seen 'em all.

My buddy Jeff used to say that my bad rapport was a direct result of me calling taxi driver's, cabies. He may be correct, but I know for a fact, many people can relate to my backseated hostility.

And then there is Korea. Ahh, the splendid nature of people being well paid, trustworthy, complimentary but sometimes indifferent to politeness.

The country is not poor and capitalism is thriving. Business for taxis? Check. All people here trust their neighbors immediately. Trustworthy taxi divers? Check. All people also constantly comment on your appearance. Rear-view mirroring taxi drivers? Check. And, because of a very long war with their northern neighbors, all people here are slightly edgy when the situation calls for it. Somewhat grumpy taxi drivers? Check.

Taxi's are also relatively cheap here, so I take them often. Many rides happen in silence. Other times they work on their English (these are annoying because I am paying for their English lesson). But sometimes, every few weeks, I will get an overly complimentary driver.

Example: This is a conversation with a middle-aged taxi driver in Busan last weekend. (Notice I did not call him cabi.)

"Hello. You American?"
"Yep."
"Ohh, wow, you are very handsome. Very handsome, yes."
"Ha, thank you."
"You teacher?"
"Yep."
"Oh, wow, very handsome...yes."

This went on for 20 minutes. How can you not enjoy getting into the back of that taxi?

Example 2: Thanksgiving night in Seoul and I'm late meeting friends for dinner because he made a wrong turn. I know this because his GPS keeps chirping at him.

"I am sorry. I made mistake."
"No problem," I say back.
"No, big mistake. No charge," he relents.
"No no, that's OK. It's not a problem."
"OK discount. Big discount," he says nervously.
"Thank you but really, it's no problem," I say.

He was not buying it. He kept insisting I take a discount. Once we stopped at the restaurant I shoveled him the fare and said, "Thank very much. I paid because appreciated your honesty." He said thanks but actually looked sorrowful when receiving the money.

Considering my history with cabies, this event felt miraculous. But that moment did not last long.

That same weekend my wife and I were scolded for talking to loudly and like little kids. We giggled it off, making him more upset. He was grumpy. We all are. But, I must mention that to his credit, he had no intention of ripping us off.

And to be honest, I would take a scolding over a crooked cabi ride any day.



....Get Lost my friends.

Oh Man, I'm Blowing It.

OK, you're right. I am not blogging enough. My lady called me out tonight by saying, "you are going to lose followers if you never blog."

I replied by lying with an excuse attached.

"I don't do it for followers. I do it for myself," I said.

I might as well have been holding a picket sign exclaiming, "Pompous Idiot."

I do actually do this for the people that read it. The majority of you are my family, friends and/or otherwise friends of friends that I will most likely meet at some point or another. With that being said, I like when you guys read it.

So, I have decided to ask you for help instead of make excuses about why I don't blog...

Tell me what you want me to talk about. Ask me anything (somewhat G rated if possible). Comment on this post and I'll answer your question in a short paragraph or two aimed at making you laugh and hopefully be able to attach a picture or two...I promise.

After all, if I just wanted to write about my day to day, I'd buy a journal. This is meant to serve another purpose. What's the purpose? Who knows. Who cares. It's all in good fun, right.

get Lost my friends...AND COMMENT!